Ten days.
The paltry remnant of my inherited fortune.
Two hundred and forty hours,
Eight hundred and sixty-four thousand seconds.
I find myself clutching at the walls,
Desperately holding back the grains of sand.
Yet their flow is relentless, cold, unforgiving.
In a daze I watch them float to the ground,
Slowly rising, almost at par with my waist.
In these ten days I must take upon myself the unbearable onus,
The Herculean task of encapsulating an entire lifetime.
A lifetime of memories, of tears and laughter; into a few petty lines.

Ten days.
My fear quietly escalates into panic,
A frenzied rush to garner all I may.
To absorb into my being what I overlooked,
To put right all my wrongs.
As the walls begin to close in, everything is heightened.
The sound of tyres crushing gravel,
The mindless chatter of birds blissfully ignorant,
I rush from one corner to the next
Taking photographs with my mind and with my phone.
As I sit in a pile of memories procured,
I close my eyes, let remorse wash over my blackened soul.

Ten days.
To put away my past and welcome the new,
To give my past the farewell it deserves.
I fear I am too small, too petty to do what must be done,
Yet I know I must try, to put my mind at rest.
Though I am far from ready to distribute my farewells
They lie dusty in the corner, glare with accusing eyes.
They must be said, for they bind me down.
Not shackles, rather they are warm hands enveloping my own.
Arms in whose embrace I have been sheltered,
And simultaneously suffocated.
There is no place for these restraints in the blinding new.

Ten days.
To look my past in the eye, say the words we have carefully ignored,
The time has come for me to leave, until I next return.
My mind is plagued by a million unsaid words,
Ones which I fear will never be given the expression they deserve.
Yet I try, lying awake night after night
Accompanied by the stillness, the darkness my old friend.
Regret clutches at my heart and mind,
The words I must release scratch at their walls.
Yet I cannot string them together, give them a proper form.
I hear their lament yet I am forced into silence
Enraged at my inability, pained by their desperation.

Ten days.
I wish you would somehow read my mind,
Give me the release I so desperately crave.
Clip my bonds and let my fly into the unknown.
I pass the moments we have left by averting my gaze,
Hoping that your non-existent psychic abilities will come into play.
The words I must say to you are far too grand for a small mind like mine.
All the thanks I must give, all the apologies I must make,
All the memories I must ask you to cherish.
I suppose it is the fear that gives rise to my silence.
The fear that I will be but another name in the sand,
Washed away by the morning tide,
Lost in the endless stream of memories you are sure to make.
All our years of familiarity fade away in moments.
Grant me one last wish I request,
Though I fear I am unworthy of such exuberant demands.
If you may, remember my face, all the laughter we shared.
Forgive me for the hurt I caused, for it was unwilling I assure you.
Treasure the memories from the farthest reaches of our past,
Even in your hectic schedule of finding whatever it is you’ve lost,
Spare me a thought every now and then, for you will forever be on my mind.
Now as I pack my belongings and prepare to leave,
Take my hand, smile and tell me it will all be okay.
Let us thus part ways, greet the future with open arms,
Miles apart though we may be, I will always be by your side.
So many words, such little time.

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12 thoughts on “Ten days.

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